Distractions

I did forget you.

I dove into a frenzy of things
every time a queasy feeling started
in the pit of my stomach.

Like a nagging kid at a fair,
It will start to pull at my throat
and I will swallow in vain,
Each time harder than before.

Book, sleep, music –
A distraction. Any distraction.
Happy songs, Angry songs,
Even synthesized music
will remind me of you.
Nothing will be good enough.

The pull at my throat will
soon become a push at my ribs
and then when my windpipes gag
I will fight my need to breathe.

I will give in, I will gasp
and you will be the air I breathe
burning my nose, lungs, and
every crevice you flow through.
Soon you will be in my blood
and wrench into my every thought.
I will hate myself.

But tomorrow,
I will hold on a little bit longer.
With time and better people,
I will learn to ignore
the queasy feeling
in the pit of my stomach.

I will forget you.

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